By Erin Ann Kurt
There are more books, magazines, and websites teaching us about parenting skills than ever so why are we not all experts already The reasons vary. The books are too long and complicated, the books are contradictory, the ideas of what is good and bad parenting keep changing, and the ideas of how to solve problems are so numerous that when one is faced with a misbehaving child, and emotions are at their peak, it is truly difficult to remember what the book said to do in that very type of situation.
The good news is that there are actually FOUR tricks that work in any situation, every single time!
These four tricks are based on:
- a) using the right tone of voice
- b) stating what is needed in the moment
- c) giving a choices question
- d) following through with a consequence if needed
Children feel extremely safe when they know what to expect. For example, if your child is in the middle of a tantrum, they are still secretly hoping that you, their parent, will step in and apply a consequence, using a matter-of-fact voice. They will stop the tantrum more quickly because they will begin to relax as soon as they begin experiencing the discipline routine they are so used to.
Children absolutely adore repetition. Applying the tricks mentioned above is just another repetitive sequence that makes them feel safe and calm.
In contrast, if they hear a soft voice telling them to calm down for 10 minutes or explaining why something they did is wrong, it simply upsets them further. It is a funny phenomenon, but it s true!
In order to achieve success with discipline, the most important step a parent needs to take before trying to implement these tricks is to get some training. One needs to understand the nuances of each trick and then feel ultra confident when applying them.
